would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
