I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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