go do what you do best...puke behind churches
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
