hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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