I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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