so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
