Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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