My sheets look like a crime scene.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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