Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
