i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
