How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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