okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
