drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize