ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
