he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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