I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
