Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
