Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
