The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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