Don't you send me to vm
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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