i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
