i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
