Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
