Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
