so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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