That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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