you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
