He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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