Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
