id be glad to
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
