are you still at the devil's house?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
