Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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