at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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