i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
