Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
