we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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