Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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