oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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