I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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