Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
