i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
