So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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