Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
