In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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