Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize