I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
