i'm signing you up for texting rehab
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
