idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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