And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
