I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
