I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
