your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
