Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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