Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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