Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
