is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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