cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Found the puke drawer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
