So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
