my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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