did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
