Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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