Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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