i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
