I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
