Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
