I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
