Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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