It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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