I hate all girls vehemently.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
