i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
