I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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