I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
