3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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