I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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