but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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