I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pants are for mortals
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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