He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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