After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize