I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
