I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
