Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
