OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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