i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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