; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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